The Ones Who Cannot Grieve

No one ever taught men what to do when strength starts hurting.

Men are not taught to mourn

only how to endure 

how to stand tall like iroko 

while storms pass through our chest. 

The first time I saw my father cry

it was without tears

he folded pain into his pockets 

and called it strength. 

He carried his grief gently 

careful not to spill it

because silence is safer than sobbing. 

Men are not taught how to sit with loss

so when I am in pain, I think of my father and remember: men are not allowed to grieve

only to carry caskets of feelings

without letting it drop 

to bury pain without making the grave.

Then I sigh "Nwoke kwesiri iguzosi ike" —

a man must stand firm regardless

but when night comes, I am only a woman. 

                                     .......... Destar Freeman